National Network for Child Care's Connections
Newsletter
Rose-Marie Smith, M.S.
Early Childhood Curriculum Coordinator
School District of University City University City, Missouri
Copyright/Access Information
You have a special bond with the parents of your children. It
can often be difficult to describe or understand. If you understand
why parents act the way they do, this bond will be even stronger.
Most parents admit feeling guilty about leaving their children
in someone else's care. These mixed feelings may cause parents
to be late in dropping off or picking up their children. They
may talk immediately to the child and shut the care provider out.
Or they may talk nervously to the care provider about everything
but their child.
What feelings do parent and child care provider share? Probably
the following:
"I'm tired."
"I want to be cared about as a valuable human being for my
own sake, not just as a parent or a provider."
"I wonder if I am doing okay."
"I'm jealous of you."
Providers may feel jealous of parents because they are the most
important persons in the child's life. Similarly, parents are
often jealous of providers because the caregiver sees everything
the parent misses!
In the past, family members usually cared for children. Like the
Waltons in the TV series, there was always a grandparent, an aunt
or uncle, or an older brother or sister to take care of the younger
ones. They did this because family membership included the responsibility
of caring for children.
When today's families look for child care, myths and guilt often
make the whole task very confusing. Parents feel like someone
is missing. Where is the loyal family member who will do it with
love for free?
Parents may feel powerless because they do not know how to evaluate
the product - the child care service. They feel guilty about needing
to purchase what they believe should be provided by a family member.
When people feel guilty, they often withdraw or become angry.
They make unrealistic requests, or they break the rules and practices
of your child care service. They are late with payments or bring
the child when he is sick. They demand special diets or activities.
Parents may behave this way because they feel guilty. They may
worry that you think they are bad parents. They may also be jealous
that you see the tiny details of their child's daily world.
If you talk with parents only about their child's problems or
about the rules they are breaking, their guilt can mount. Parents
who feel tired, guilty, and frustrated need support. Then they
can do a better job of parenting.
Single parents are struggling with overload. Working women whose
husbands provide little help at home have the highest level of
stress and frustration of any group. This includes men and women,
working or not. The activities that working mothers reduce in
order to cope are sleep and personal leisure activities. This
only adds stress.
In the interest of the children, we need to nurture each other.
Arguing or believing in our hearts that mothers should stay home
with their young children is bad for parent and child. Even though
you work for low pay and with high stress, you have to form bonds
with parents who need service, information, and caring.
Reach out to the human needs of the parents. Ask them how they
handle situations in their family. Give them written policies
and have them signed before a child enters your program. It is
unfair for you or the parent not to understand expectations. Say
"thank you" often to children and their parents. Tell
them you appreciate them for smiling as they enter, for coming
on time, or for really looking at their child's picture. Thank
them for referring another parent to you.
Thank parents for trusting you to work with them and for sharing
the most precious parts of themselves. What will you receive?
The children and their parents will surely thank you. And, just
as you reach out to meet the needs of parents, they will reach
out to meet your needs. Parents who know what is expected of them
and who feel that their provider approves of and values them will
be more likely to respect policies and procedures.