WORKING WITH PARENTS: GETTING OFF TO A POSITIVE START

National Network for Child Care's Connections Newsletter

Amy Freshwater, M.S.
Assistant Professor
Central Missouri State University

Copyright/Access Information


Most of us understand that caring for children also involves maintaining relationships with their parents. We know that we can't adequately meet the needs of the children we care for without considering the families they come from. So what can we do to ensure that we have quality relationships with the parents who bring their children to us?

Making parents comfortable in a child care setting requires just as much effort as making sure that the children are comfortable. Every child who comes to your program needs to feel a sense of belonging. Moms and dads need that feeling, too. Here are some ideas for making parents feel included and WELCOMED in their child's "workplace."

• Make a list of children and parents' first names and keep it by the front door. My list is large enough so that I can see it from halfway across the room. That way, even if I'm involved with another child or have forgotten a mom or dad's name, I can look quickly and say, "Hi, Seth! Hi, Marion! How are you this morning/afternoon?"
  
• Greet every child and every parent each morning or afternoon. One child's mother told me that of all the things I did for kids and families, just saying hello made her feel as if she were in a place where she and her child were welcome. Such a simple thing as a greeting is important to moms and dads.
  
• Interview children about their families and use your information. Children love their parents intensely and think that their families are more important than anything in the world. Without being intrusive or invading privacy, ask kids questions about their family's activities and exploits.
  
  One of my favorite questions is: "Is your dad a silly dad or a serious dad? How can you tell?" One child said, "My dad is a serious dad because when I break the rules he says, 'Quit that! I'm serious!'" Another child said, "My dad is silly because he drinks out of the milk jug when he thinks nobody's watching!" Later that day when Dad came by, I said, "Hey, Ted! I hear you drink out of the milk jug!"
  
  When we talk to children about their families, we gain insight into their level of development, and into their perceptions and use of logic. We also find out about their parent's special interests and hobbies. Some of these might even be useful as program enhancements and resources. For example, in my group of parents, one dad was a chemistry professor, and he allowed us into his laboratory to do experiments. One mom made Ukrainian Easter Eggs, and an Asian student's mother cooked with us in celebration of the Chinese New Year.
  
• Plan small and easy things that provide comfort and warmth. Do you have a space in your program that is designated as "parent space"? Something as minor as a table, some comfortable chairs, and a parent bulletin board will provide just the right welcome. Occasionally, when moms and dads drop off their kids in the morning or pick them up in the afternoon, it's fun to have a pot of coffee and a stack of to-go cups, or a box of donuts ready for them. Parents should always be welcome to stop by for breakfast, snacktime, or lunch. Once, the children in my group had a "squirrel party" at the end of the day, with nuts and popcorn and apple cider (squirrel food). The parents, instead of grabbing their children at pick-up time and running out the door, joined the party and stayed awhile.
  
• Tell parents something specific about their child's interests or involvements each week. For example, "Jamie has gotten hooked on chess." Or, "Zelda has been working hard on hand stands." Or, "Chantelle has a new friend." Or, "Charles comforted a younger boy who was crying today." This lets parents know that you are tuned into their child's needs, interests, and involvements. Establishing a pattern of talking with parents about the positive things their child does may also help to ease communication if and when you need to discuss problems or concerns.
  
• Deal with problems, issues, and misunderstandings immediately. Our relationships with the parents of the children we care for are too important to allow negative feelings to fester. Most of the time, parents are well-meaning, good-hearted people (just like us). They simply may not be aware of our reasons for program rules, health regulations, and late policies, etc. Some parents never read posted signs or handbooks. Some parents simply forget what is expected, and teachers and caregivers are so kind that they sometimes forget firmness and assertiveness. Be clear, definite, and firm in your policy statements. Act quickly and assertively. Don't be afraid to confront or remind parents of policies when necessary. And don't wait until tomorrow to deal with an issue.
  
• Set aside some time to listen to parents' needs and to get their feedback on how the program is doing. Some programs have formal parent-staff conferences or meetings. Others do so more informally. The important thing is that parents feel like they have an opportunity to give input into the program and that they are listened to.
  
• Help parents to become friends with each other. Parents are always curious about the children who play with their child. Introduce parents to each other when you have the chance. My ultimate parent-friend experience happened with a group of moms and dads, who would converge on my classroom at the end of the day. They would agree, as a group, to go to a nearby park so that their children could play together for another hour before supper. If a mom had a meeting or a dad had an appointment, another parent would take their child along with the group. Over the course of a few months they all became wonderful, supportive friends to each other.

There is a myriad of other ways to get off to a good start in establishing relationships with parents ... these are just a few. Keeping a positive, humorous and compassionate perspective of moms and dads will serve to strengthen our relationships with the children in our care ... and that, in itself, is a reward!

Contact Us | Non-discrimination Statement and Information Disclosures | © Iowa State University, 2002