National Network for Child Care's Connections Newsletter
Christine M. Todd, Ph.D.
Child Development Specialist
Human Development and Family Studies
University of Illinois Cooperative Extension
Copyright/Access Information
The children are too quiet. Something is up. When you go to investigate,
you find two four-year-olds minus part of their clothing playing
"doctor." Or, you might overhear the conversation of
two six-year-olds repeating "bathroom" words as they
giggle hysterically. Or you might notice that two-year-old Tim
constantly walks around with his hands in his shorts. While each
of these situations is different, they are similar in that the
children are all involved in various forms of sexual play.
Observing elements of sexuality in children's play often causes
parents and providers to feel uncomfortable. On the one hand,
we are told that it is normal for children to act this way at
certain ages. The sexual play of young children usually results
from their need to explore everything! It is also a way to indicate
to the adults around them that they would like more information
on the topic.
On the other hand, we worry about whether the behavior of the
children is, indeed, normal and how we should respond to it. Could
the children's behavior be an indication of sexual abuse?
Masturbation is of special concern to parents and providers. Is
it normal for children to masturbate? Should it be allowed? If
not, how do you get them to stop?
The answer to the first question is "yes." In a study
of over 1400 parents, mothers reported over half of boys and one-third
of girls between the ages of three and eight had masturbated (Gagnon,
1985). However, even though masturbation is very common in young
children, does that make it "right"? Determining whether
a behavior is right or wrong requires an ethical decision - one
based on the moral or religious values of the family. Thus, although
parents should not be alarmed if their children occasionally masturbate,
some parents will feel it is acceptable under some circumstances,
while others will believe it is wrong, and should be strongly
discouraged.
When asked how they would handle the situation if it occurred
with their child, the 1400 parents in the above study had a variety
of responses. Three percent said they would allow it. Approximately
28% indicated they would ignore the behavior. Another 15% said
they would tell the child to do it in private, while another 13%
suggested they would try to distract the child. About 15% said
they would talk to the child. The remainder of parents indicated
they would tell the child to stop, that it was harmful, or they
would punish the child.
When you encounter children engaged in masturbation in the child
care setting, it is important never to punish the child or make
the child feel badly. However, if the masturbation continues beyond
a day or two, or if it spreads to other children, it is important
to try to encourage the children to move on to other things.
Sometimes masturbation is a sign of stress in the child's life.
By providing interesting activities and extra attention, the masturbation
is likely to disappear. Other times, it has simply become a habit.
In such cases it can be helpful to substitute a more appropriate
object. For example, giving a child a soft stuffed animal at naptime
or hanging a lucky rabbit's foot from a loop on the child's belt
may distract the child from self-stimulation. Older children may
benefit from a brief discussion indicating that people don't touch
their "private parts" when others are around.
It can also be helpful to mention the behavior to parents. Explain
that this behavior is perfectly normal in young children. Also
tell them what you are doing to change the situation. You might
also want to suggest that the parent explore whether the behavior
might be the child's way of trying to get more information about
their own emerging sexuality.
All of the above responses are appropriate if you believe that
the behavior is within normal bounds. However, if you are concerned
that a child's self-stimulation or sexual play goes beyond normal,
you should explore the situation further with parents and professionals.
But what constitutes cause for alarm?
In an insightful article on this topic, Dr. Maria Sauzier (1984)
suggests providers ask themselves five questions about the behavior.
First, is it age-appropriate? It is very common for two-year-olds
to walk around the house with their hands in their shorts. However,
most five-year-olds should know better. Second, how prolonged
is the behavior? If a child constantly engages in sexual play
and never moves on to other topics, there may be more cause for
concern. Third, can the child handle the feelings they are experiencing?
Play is characterized by laughter and light-heartedness. Little
girls often giggle as they raise their skirts over their heads.
If children who engage in sexual play look anxious or guilty,
or become extremely aroused, it is probably time to give the matter
more attention. Fourth, is there any sign of one child forcing
another to engage in sexual play through bribes, name-calling,
or physical force? If so, this requires immediate attention. Finally,
does the child know more than you feel is normal at this age?
It is very unusual for a preschool child to imitate intercourse.
This may indicate the child has witnessed or been exposed to adult
sexuality.
If you suspect child abuse, you are required by law to report
the incident by calling the Child Abuse Hotline. Your verbal report
should be followed by a written letter for your protection. If
you are unsure whether you should report the situation or not,
talk with your licensing representative or the Hotline personnel.
Responding to the sexual play of children is not always easy.
However, by approaching the situation in a calm way, by involving
parents in the solution, and by using appropriate guidelines,
children are likely to develop healthy attitudes about their bodies
and their emerging sexuality.
Gagnon, J. H. (1985). Attitudes and responses of parents to pre-adolescent masturbation. *Archives of sexual behavior*, 14, 451-466.
Sauzier, M. (Spring, 1984). Curiosity or cause for concern: Sexuality in early childhood play. *Beginnings*, 36-38.
HEALTHY FOUNDATIONS has a variety of resources to assist early childhood educators in developing policies and programs regarding young children's learning about sexuality. Request a brochure by contacting:
Healthy Foundations
The Center for Family Life Education
Planned Parenthood of Greater Northern NJ
196 Speedwell Avenue
Morristown, NJ 07960
Phone: (973) 539-9580
Fax: (973) 539-3828
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