National Network for Child Care's Connections
Newsletter
Phyllis Picklesimer
Publications Editor
University of Illinois
Copyright/Access Information
Chances are your children have a long list of gifts they'd like
to receive during the holidays. Are you frustrated because they
don't seem to understand the spirit of the season? Maybe they
just need some coaching. According to Jo Robinson and Jean Coppock
Staeheli1 [in their book *Unplug the Christmas Machine*, pp. 55-64],
children really want four things during the holiday season.
1. Relaxed and loving time with the family. During the
holiday season, lives become crowded with program practices, shopping
trips, and parties. Even when parents are at home, they are often
busy with holiday chores, plans, and money worries. Lots of gifts
and attention when the holiday arrives won't make up for your
absence now. "Children," say the authors, "want
love in a steady, constant way."
They advise setting firm priorities so you can give your children
the attention they need. Consider turning down some social invitations
to spend more time with your family. You may decide to order gifts
from a mail-order house to save time shopping.
2. Realistic expectations about gifts. Children who think
only about gifts at this time of year can feel terribly let down
when the holidays are over. Their new toys can't possibly be all
they thought they would be after they've waited for them for weeks.
Robinson and Staeheli suggest making other parts of the holiday
as exciting as opening presents.
"Children," say the authors, "want and need their
parents to define the celebration for them." Talk with your
children about gifts and your own sense of values. Then plan family
activities in which gifts play only one part. Shift the focus
from receiving to giving by making special treats or crafts for
neighbors and friends, a homeless shelter, or a crisis nursery.
Also, plan exciting family activities to look forward to before
and after you open gifts. "That way," say Robinson and
Staeheli, "gifts start taking their rightful place in the
activities." They also suggest teaching your children the
difference between commercials and regular television programs.
Robinson and Staeheli believe that as powerful as commercials
are, a parent's influence can be more powerful. They suggest watching
an hour of television with your children and having them yell
"Commercial!" each time a new one appears on the screen.
Then talk about what you have seen. Help your children learn that
the purpose of advertising is to sell products.
3. An evenly paced holiday season. Because stores start
cranking up for the holiday season sometime around Halloween,
children wait and wait for the holidays to arrive. Then, when
the last gift is unwrapped, suddenly it's all over. Robinson and
Staeheli suggest postponing important family traditions until
a week or so before the holiday. They also suggest saving a few
for the week after the main event. For example, consider hosting
a potluck dinner for family and friends a week after the holiday.
4. Strong family traditions. Traditions are important to
children because they give them comfort and security. They help
children understand how the season will unfold, and they bring
back happy memories of past holidays together. Robinson and Staeheli
say that most families have more traditions than they realize
and that even simple traditions will do. They advise asking your
children which activities mean the most to them. Then, be sure
to do them every year.
Give your children these four gifts and you'll give yourself a
lovely present as well. You'll spend more time doing the things
that really matter and less frenzied time at the mall and the
toy store.
Robinson, Jo, and Jean Coppock Staeheli. 1982. *Unplug the
Christmas Machine*. New York: Quill.