CHILDREN WITHOUT FRIENDS, PART 1:
THEIR PROBLEMS
| Gladys A. Williams, M.P.H. Doctoral Student, Clinical Psychology Department of Psychology University of Illinois - Urbana Steven R. Asher, Ph.D. Director Bureau of Educational Research University of Illinois - Urbana |
Part 2: The reasons for peer rejection |
- "He is my very best friend because he tells me things and
I tell him things. He shows me a basketball move and I show him
too, and he never makes me sad."
- "Me and Diana can count on trusting one another. Yesterday
me and Diana talked about how our parents got a divorce and how
the world is going to end."
- "Me and Lemar makes each other laugh and we play kick soccer."
- "Angie is very special to me. If we get in a fight we always
say sorry. And if she says she would play with me, she plays with
me."
(Parker & Asher, 1993)
Peer relationships are important to children's development. Friends
not only provide companionship and recreation, but meet other
needs as well. Through interactions with peers, children learn
valuable social skills. They learn how to do things like join
groups, make new friends, participate in group problem solving,
and manage competition and conflict. Friendships also provide
a supportive context in which self-exploration, emotional growth,
and moral development can occur. Of course, learning and social
support also result from relationships with parents, teachers,
and other adults. But it is among other children that children
learn how to interact with equals. Also, it is with peers that
children spend a very high proportion of their waking hours.
Given the significance of friendships to children, imagine what
it would be like to spend over 40 hours a week in school and after-school
programs with lots of other people your own age, but to have few
of them like you or want to be with you. This is the reality for
many children. Indeed, about ten percent of school-age children
have no friends in their classes and are disliked by a majority
of their classmates.
Peer rejection in childhood often brings with it serious emotional
difficulties. Rejected children are frequently discontent with
themselves and with their relationships with other children. Many
of these children experience strong feelings of loneliness and
social dissatisfaction. Rejected children also report lower self-esteem
and may be more depressed than other children. Peer rejection
is also predictive of later life problems, such as dropping out
of school, juvenile delinquency, and mental health problems. Dropping
out of school seems to be a particularly frequent outcome. Results
from research indicate that, on average, about 25 percent of low-accepted
children drop out of school compared to eight percent of other
children (Parker & Asher, 1987).
It is easy to think of reasons why having difficulties with peers
could lead children to do worse in school and to later drop out.
Because students often study with their friends, help each other
with homework, and even informally tutor one another, a student
who lacks friends is likely to miss out on opportunities to learn
school material. Furthermore, a child who is having problems getting
along with others may be more upset and distracted and therefore,
find it harder to concentrate. Even if a child's academic work
is respectable, a child with serious peer relationship problems
might drop out because school is not an enjoyable place. Indeed,
being at school may be quite stressful.
The academic benefits of having friends show up very early in
a child's school career. Consider, for example, research by Ladd
(1990) on children who are making the transition from preschool
programs to kindergarten. This research suggests that those who
start kindergarten with a friend in their class make a better
adjustment to school than those who do not start with a friend.
Furthermore, children who maintain their friendships as the school
year progresses like school better, and children who make new
friends make greater gains in school performance.
The quality of a child's peer relationships should be taken seriously.
In the next issues of this newsletter, we will discuss the kinds
of behavior problems and social skill deficits that lead to peer
rejection. We will describe some ways that adults can help children
who are having problems to get along better with their peers.
The child care setting is an important place to help foster positive
peer relations and the development of social skills.
Ladd, G. W. (1990). Having friends, keeping friends, making friends, and being liked by peers in the classroom: Predictors of children's early adjustment? *Child Development*, 61, 1081-1100.
Parker, J. G., & Asher, S. R. (1987). Peer relations and later personal adjustment: Are low-accepted children at risk? *Psychological Bulletin*, 102, 357-389.
Parker, J. G., & Asher, S. R. (1993). Beyond group acceptance: Friendship and friendship quality as distinct dimensions of peer adjustment. In W. H. Jones & D. Perlman (Eds.), *Advances In Personal Relationships* (Vol. 4). London: Kingley.
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