National Network for Child Care's Connections
Newsletter
Diana S. DelCampo, Ph.D.
Family Life Specialist
Human Development and Family Studies
New Mexico Cooperative Extension
Ruth S. Herrera, M.S.
Graduate Research Assistant
Human Development and Family Studies
New Mexico State University
Copyright/Access Information
Children become angry in a variety of situations. Suzie may be
angry with Mom because she won't let her go to a friend's house
to play. Paco gets angry with his Dad because he won't let him
buy gum at the store. In our role as caregivers, we can give parents
some skills for dealing with these situations.
Many adults have learned to ignore their feelings of anger, or
to express these feelings by hitting or yelling at someone. Therefore,
adults often deal with a child's anger by demanding that he or
she stop being angry. They might send a child to his or her room
until the child can behave better, and sometimes, an adult may
hit a child. However, these actions do not help children learn
to handle strong emotions such as anger.
Although feeling angry is a part of life that no one can avoid,
we can teach children positive ways to cope with anger. Adults
can teach children the difference between feeling angry and acting
on anger. Children need to be told that feeling mad is neither
good nor bad, but hitting someone out of anger is not OK. In the
short run, life at home will be easier when children learn how
to work through anger. In the long run, children will continue
developing ways to cope with anger as they become teenagers and
adults, and will pass these skills along to their own children.
Children can learn to handle their anger in several ways. Give
children several choices so they can pick those that work best
for them. Remember that some angry episodes take longer than others
to solve.
DO SOMETHING PHYSICAL. Do something with your body such
as stomp your feet (the "Mad Dance"), run around the
house, or punch a pillow. Or, play with play dough, clay, or bread
dough, which can be rolled out, pounded, twisted, and pulled apart.
Any of these physical activities can help children focus their
anger on something else and help them to calm down.
TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS. Some young children can talk
to a parent, brother or sister, grandparent, a child care provider
or a friend about what is making them angry. Talking helps some
people work through their anger so they can accept what is making
them angry, or solve the problem in a positive way. If children
can't or won't talk to a person, they can be encouraged to talk
to a family pet, a puppet, or an imaginary friend.
SING AN "UN-MAD" SONG. Help children make up
words to a song or poem that expresses what they're feeling. Words
from a favorite song can be substituted with this "un-mad"
song. For example, the words "I'm so mad 'cause I can't play.
Go away, go away, day!" can be sung to a familiar or made-up
tune.
ASK OTHER PEOPLE HOW THEY COPE WITH THEIR FEELINGS OF ANGER.
Help children collect ideas from other people on how to cope with
anger. Help the child decide which ones are OK based on the information
in this publication. For example, some people take a fast walk
to drain off anger, while others take deep breaths when they get
angry.
DRAIN THE ANGER FROM YOUR BODY. Let children relax with
some water play activities or finger-painting. Or let the child
scribble as hard as she can on a scrap of paper and throw the
paper away as if throwing the anger away. Or encourage the child
to dictate a story about what has made her angry to an adult and
have the adult read it back. The child can then crumple up the
paper and throw it away.
For more information on how to respond to children's anger, suggest
parents request the following books at their local library:
Crary, E. (1992). *I'm Mad*. Seattle: Parenting Press.
Guhl, B. & Fontenelle, D. (1987). *Purrfect Parenting*. Tucson:
Fisher Books.