Preschoolers are delightful to have around, but at times can be quite a challenge! Learning how to get along with others and follow rules takes lots of practice for preschoolers; learning how to guide and discipline preschoolers takes lots of patience for caregivers.
Preschool children are busy learning about the world around them. They ask lots of questions and they love to imitate adults. They are learning to share and take turns (but don't always want to). Sometimes they want to play with others and sometimes they want to be alone. Preschoolers also are quite independent. They like to try new things and often take risks. They may try to shock you at times by using "forbidden words." Getting attention is fun, being ignored is not.
Preschoolers like to make decisions for themselves because it makes them feel important. They also are likely to get carried away and become rather bossy. Preschoolers have lots of energy-sometimes more energy than adults! They play hard, fast and furious; then they tire suddenly and get cranky and irritable. Preschoolers spend a lot of time learning how to get along with others. "Best friends" are very important, but such friendships are brief and may only last a few minutes. Hurt feelings (and sometimes swift kicks) are part of the learning process too.
There is no one right way to discipline. An approach that is successful in one situation may not work in another. Also, different children respond in different ways to disciplining methods. Successful caregivers often use a variety of approaches to deal with behavioral problems.
One of the most important things a caregiver can do is to establish a safe environment. Preschoolers move quickly and they love to climb and explore. Take a close look at your child care environment, both indoors and outdoors. A fenced in yard will help keep children away from the street. Fix, repair, toss, or lock up anything that might be a danger to children. You may be able to avoid some accidents just waiting to happen.
You might also want to take a close look at toys and how your children use them. Getting hit accidentally on the head with a foam block is okay, but a "bonk" with a wooden block is not. Preschoolers can learn basic rules for handling toys and will require less supervision.
Problems often arise when children do not have enough toys or materials to play with. Children need a variety of toys and activities. Plenty of paper to draw on, materials to sort, collect, trade, and share, and well-maintained equipment to climb or ride on are important features of a successful child care program. A safe place to play and appropriate toys to play with can save you from saying "No" often and make your day easier.
Young children need a consistent routine and schedule. Their small stomachs and high energy levels need nutritious snacks and meals frequently. Establishing consistent times for eating, napping, and playing helps children learn how to pace themselves. Balance the day with active times, quiet times, times to be alone, and times to be with others. Taking care of basic needs also helps in preventing a frustrating situation with a cranky and whiny child.
Preschoolers love to imitate adults. Watch your bad habits because children will be sure to copy them! If you want children to treat each other kindly or have good eating habits, be sure to demonstrate how to do it. Preschoolers are very interested in "why" we do things; so explain the things you do in simple terms. Children also learn a great deal from each other. Encourage and demonstrate appropriate ways to share and play, and be consistent.
Effective praise encourages learning, independence, and strong self-esteem in children. The key to effective praise is to be a coach more than a cheerleader. A cheerleader merely cheers: "What a great job!" or "What a beautiful picture!" A coach uses specific praise to teach and instill self worth. For example, when a childs sets the table, you might say, "You did such a good job setting the table! You put the spoons and forks in the right place and remembered the napkins!" When you look at a child's painting, you might remark, "This painting just glows with color. You used blue, green, red, yellow, and orange. Tell me how you did this!" Specific praise means a lot more to a child than a brief "You are great."
A commonly used form of discipline for preschoolers is called "time out." A time out is just that-a cooling off period. When a child is misbehaving or out of control, he or she needs to be removed or isolated for a few minutes. Time out can be used with children ages 3 to 12 and with as many children as you have private places. For young children, however, the time out period needs to be no longer than 5 minutes or they tend to forget the reason for the time out.
A time out gives a child a few minutes to settle down and think about what has happened. Caregivers need to follow up by talking with the child about the misbehavior. Young children do not always understand their misdoings. It helps to explain what happened, what they should not be doing, and what they can do instead. They also need the opportunity to practice the correct behavior. Keep such discussions simple. You might say, "It's not OK to hit your friend. Instead, tell her with words that you want to play with the blocks, too."
Child: John won't let me ride in the wagon.
Father: Sounds like you are upset about that.
Child: Yeah, he's mean!
Father: Hmm. You sound really angry!
Child: Yeah! I had the wagon first.
Father: You were playing with the wagon before John was?
Child: Yeah, then he took it away.
Father: Hmm. Wonder why?
Child: I dunno. Maybe because I wouldn't let him play.
Father: Wonder how both of you could play with the wagon?
Child: Maybe he could ride and I could pull!
This is an example of active listening where the caregiver is trying to understand the problem as well as the child's feelings. The caregiver does not try to end the conversation; instead, she encourages it. With the caregiver's time and support, the child is able to explore the situation, understand the problem, and even offer a solution. Sometimes preschoolers do not need an adult to intervene. Rather, they need someone who will listen and help them work through a problem.
It's important to note that young children still have very limited problem-solving skills. The child in the above example was 5 years old. With a 3-year-old in the same situation, the caregiver may have needed to be more direct or offer a suggestion. For instance, the caregiver could say, "Maybe you could both sit in the wagon, or maybe one of you can pull and the other one can sit. Which idea do you like best?"
Use your words carefully to teach children. Focus on what to do rather than what not to do.
| Try saying... | Instead of... |
| Slow down and walk. | Stop running. |
| Come hold my hand. | Don't touch anything. |
| Keep your feet on the floor. | Don't climb on the couch. |
| Use your quiet voice inside. | Stop screaming and shouting. |
Natural and logical consequences help children understand the connection between their actions and the results of their misbehavior. Natural consequences are results that would naturally happen after a child's behavior without any adult interference. The following examples show how natural consequences work.
Natural consequences are sometimes dangerous or impractical. For example, it would be dangerous for a child to experience the natural consequence of running into the street and getting hit by a car! In these situations, logical consequences may be used to help the child correct her behavior. Logical consequences require adult intervention. A logical consequence of a child running into the street could be losing the privilege of playing outside. The caregiver might comment, "Looks like you will need to play inside. When you can stay out of the street, then you can play outdoors."
The following examples also illustrate the use of logical consequences:
When a child is doing something unacceptable, try to call attention to another activityperhaps playing with another toy or reading a book together. A frustrated or cranky child can often be distracted with a song or a fingerplay. since young children's attention spans are short, distraction is often effective.
Often, the problem is not what the child is doing, but the way he or she is doing it. When this happens, redirecting or teaching the child a different way to do the same thing can be effective. If the child is using books to build, remove the books and say, "Books are not for building with." Offer a substitute at the same time and say, "If you want to build, use these blocks." If the child is climbing on a chair to make his structure taller, help him down, saying, "That's too dangerous to climb on the chair. Let's lay your tower down on the floor and see how long you can make it instead."
Behavior that is not harmful to the child or others can be ignored. Undesirable behavior can sometimes be stopped by not paying attention to it. In some situations this can work very effectively. Withhold all attention, praise, and support. Eventually, the child quits the unacceptable behavior because it does not bring the desired attention. This works particularly well when a child uses forbidden or swear words to get attention.
Ignoring really means no attention at all, but if you feel you must respond, you might try "active ignoring." You may wish to make a casual statement like "Go swear in the bathroom because we don't want to hear it" or "You can scream out here in the hall where it won't bother the rest of the children."
Remember that it is more effective to reward good behavior than to punish bad behvior. A reward or "positive reinforcement" refers to positive ways adults can respond when children behave in desirable ways. Positively rewarded behavior is usually repeated. Rewarding a child for good behavior at the right time is very important. So is the reward itself. You can use social or material rewards with children.
social rewards - Social rewards such as smiling, praising, patting, hugging, and listening make a child feel special and encourage good behavior. If you smile and nod when a child puts a toy where it belongs, the child may learn that cleaning up is valued and appreciated.
material rewards - Material rewards are objects that children desire. Money, candy, toys, stickers, etc., are all material rewards. These, too, can be used to reinforce behavior, but present some drawbacks. Children can become too accustomed to material rewards and refuse to behave properly without them. Frequent use of such rewards also may teach children to bargain or negotiate for more and bigger payoffs.
Children often place significant importance on the reward itself rather than on their behavior. A child who is rewarded with a cookie each time she helps clean up begins to place much more importance on the cookie than on the feeling of acomplishment or appreciation for a well-organized toy shelf where she can find her favorite puzzle. Overuse of food as a reward may lead to problems later on with malnutrition, obesity, and dental caries.
Sometimes children have a behavioral problem that seems to happen over and over. When nothing seems to be working, try the who, what, when, where, and how method. Ask yourself:
The best method to find a more successful way to cope with behavioral problems is to take the time to think about options.
Preschoolers often respond well to physical action when you need to discipline them. Touching them on the arm, taking them by the hand, picking them up, holding, or restraining them are all good ways to get their attention. Spanking also will get their attention, but doesn't do a very good job of teaching children how to behave. In fact, it generally distresses a child so much that he or she can't pay attention to your explanations and directions. It's hard to reason with a screaming, crying child.
Spanking and slapping can quickly get out-of-hand for both adults and children. Most reported cases of abuse involve loving, well-meaning adults who just lost control. Studies show that children who experience or witness a great deal of spanking, slapping, or hitting are much more likely to become aggressive themselves. Children who are bullied by older brothers, sisters, or other children often react by bullying others. Children who are spanked frequently hit younger children.
It is not acceptable for a child care provider to punish a child by slapping, hitting or spanking. Pinching, punching, or shaking a child are also inappropriate. Any of these actions can result in injury and may be in violation of state child abuse protection laws. You could also be liable for damage and injury claims.
Parents sometimes give child caare providers permission to punish children physically. They may encourage the provider to spank, slap, or even bite their child. Providers should remember that it is NEVER okay to physically or mentally hurt a child. Child care professionals are in business to protect and care for children, not hurt them.
Most providers find it more successful to focus on teaching a child what to do rather than what not to do. It may help to think of behavior problems as an opportunity to teach children new skills.
Discipling children is not easy. And you won't always feel good about how you handled a situation. It's important to recognize that you are human. After all, it's hard to be calm when a child throws a tantrum or injures another child. Just remember that children misbehave and argue some of the time. They are learning the skills they need to get along with others. You can respond more quickly and effectively when children need guidance if you understand the reasons for their behavior and know your options for dealing with it.
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Lesia Oesterreich
1086 Lebaron Hall
Iowa State University
Ames, IA 50011
PHONE:: (515) 294-0363
FAX:: (515) 294-5507
E-MAIL:: loesterr@iastate.edu