National Network for Child Care's Connections
Newsletter
Karen DeBord, PhD.
Child Development Specialist
North Carolina Cooperative Extension Service
Copyright/Access Information
The buzzer sounds. The referee blows the whistle and signals a
time-out for the team in red. The players sit in chairs and regroup
before they can play again. Is this team regrouping or being punished?
Children are very familiar with time-outs. And school-age providers
often request discipline as a topic for training sessions. Every
so often, caregivers and parents should review their use of time-outs
as a disciplinary tool.
"Time-out" was first created so that children could
retreat and regain self-control. When children lose self-control,
their self-esteem suffers. School-age children are more likely
to lose control in certain situations - during competitive games,
when on the playground, or when teasing between friends turns
into verbal abuse. During these times, adults should support children
by remaining calm and helping the child regain control. Calm talk
works better than reasoning when tempers flare. It also helps
the child feel better about what has happened. Save reasoning
for the calm after the storm.
Many caregivers probably misuse or overuse time-outs. Caregivers
should evaluate their use of this practice regularly and try to
adjust their disciplinary methods when it is appropriate.
These questions may help you to evaluate yourself in this area:
- Am I using time-out as a punishment chair?
- Am I using time-out as a retreat for me and not for the child?
- Am I using time-out out of habit instead of trying other methods?
- Am I giving children the chance to have some control by making
choices during daily activities?
Use time-outs sparingly. When you do use a time-out, do it because
you understand the child needs it and not because you are angry.
Also be sure the length of the time-out is appropriate and clearly
communicated to the child.
Instead of yelling "Go to the time-out area, and sit there
until I say to get up," try saying, "I see you are having
trouble keeping your feet to yourself. It hurts other children
when they are kicked. You need to sit alone for five minutes.
Then you will be able to come back to the group." Or, you
might say, "If you continue to play rough with the ball,
you will have to sit out the rest of the game."
Time alone gives the child a chance to calm down. This will allow
the child to rejoin the activity. Another way to help children
gain control is to redirect them to another activity. This allows
the child to get away from the problem situation and yet still
have something constructive to do. Redirecting children may be
preferable to time-outs in many situations. Children who view
time-out as a punishment may not use the time-out situation as
the caregiver intends. Rather than calming down or reflecting
on how he or she should behave, the child may spend the time figuring
out how to get even!
Thinking carefully about your time-out policy will help you handle
inappropriate or unsafe behaviors positively while preserving
self-esteem and control for children and adults.