Christine M. Todd, Ph.D.
Child Development Specialist
Human Development and Family Studies
University of Illinois Cooperative Extension
Copyright/Access Information
When people who care for school-age children get together, they
almost always discuss the use of "bad" language. The
first time you hear a 6-year-old or a 10-year-old let loose with
a whole string of unacceptable words, it can be quite a shock!
Inappropriate language is not limited to school-age children.
However, it certainly is more common with this group. Here are
some things you can do to keep those "four-letter words"
under control!
Avoid problems from the start by setting clear rules at the
beginning of the year. If kids understand that certain language
is not allowed, they will be less likely to use it. When setting
rules, it is important to discuss why the rule is needed. Involving
kids in actually developing the rules will make it more likely
they will follow them.
When a child begins to use unacceptable words, it is important
to know why. Children say these words for many different reasons.
Sometimes, the words are used out of ignorance. At other times,
children use them to meet a need. If you understand why they are
doing it, you will be more likely to deal with the problem in
an effective way. Here are some reasons why young people use inappropriate
language and some suggestions for dealing with each situation.
- TO BE ACCEPTED BY FRIENDS. A child with poor social skills
may not know how to enter a group, how to work with others, or
how to be a friend. The only way that child may be able to get
attention from the other kids is to use inappropriate language.
Teaching social skills to the child will help eliminate the real
cause of the problem. The unacceptable language will probably
stop also.
- TO SHOCK ADULTS. Sometimes, young people learn that using
certain words gives them power over adults. It is hard for adults
to hear kids using certain words because we understand the meaning
of those words. However, young people often do not know what the
words mean. They say the words simply because others react to
them. Stay calm and don't overreact when children use these words.
In this way, you take away some of the shock value of the words.
- BECAUSE THEY HEAR IT AT HOME. Children come from many
different family situations. In some homes, using certain language
is acceptable. There is little you can do about this. Blaming
the parents will not change the child's behavior in the child
care setting. A more effective tactic is to explain to the child
that the words are not acceptable in your program.
- TO EXPRESS THEIR EMOTIONS. Some words are often heard
during arguments or when a child is frustrated. In this case,
it is important to teach the child acceptable ways to express
her emotions. You could say, "Name-calling isn't allowed
here because it hurts peoples feelings. If you are mad at Jerry,
tell him that you are mad at him." Or you might say, "I
understand you are frustrated with your project. But the word
you said bothers people. If you are upset, you may say `Rats!'
(or whatever word you feel is acceptable) instead." Also,
make sure the activity is right for the child. Perhaps an easier
project is in order.
- TO FIND OUT WHAT THEY MEAN. Many times, children use
words without understanding what they mean. Sometimes, children
use these words because they want to know what they mean. This
often happens with sexual terms. A brief explanation of what the
word means will often take care of the problem. Therefore, you
may want to let parents know that the child is using these words.
You might say, "Mrs. Arnold, Jim has started calling other
children `X.' This is very common at this age. Jim probably doesn't
know what the word means. He may even be saying it because he
wants to know what it means."
These examples show the importance of teaching children alternatives
to using inappropriate language. However, this teaching takes
time. Some children will need the added incentive of consequences
to help them stop using the forbidden words. It is important to
choose consequences carefully and to use them sparingly. The consequence
should be reasonable and carefully tied to the behavior. For example,
if a child uses unacceptable language around other children, the
child may need to play alone for 15 minutes. If a child continually
swears while completing a project, he may need to put the project
away until the next day. Children who repeatedly use words to
shock their teachers may need to tell their parents what words
they said.
Try having the children set their own consequences. You will probably
have to tone them down a bit. It's not reasonable to stay out
of an activity for a week! However, young people are more likely
to accept consequences they have established for themselves.
Four-letter words are common during the school years. If you understand
why they are used and use appropriate guidance and discipline
techniques, you can help to eliminate their use in the child care
setting.
FORMAT AVAILABLE:: Internet
DOCUMENT REVIEW::
Level 3 - National Peer Review
DOCUMENT SIZE:: 19K or 4 pages
ENTRY DATE:: March 1996
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