National Network for Child Care's Connections
Newsletter
Mary Anne Pace-Nichols, Ph.D.
Human Development Specialist
Human Development and Family Studies
University of Georgia Cooperative Extension Service
Copyright/Access Information
"If I could get rid of Ricky, my class would be great."
Have you ever felt that removing one or maybe two children from
your group would solve your classroom behavior problems? Research
suggests that some misbehavior may be a result of classroom management.
It also suggests that the children who misbehave probably need
special guidance more than the other children in the group. These
children need to learn to be responsible for themselves and how
to live effectively with other people. These two things are learned
through discipline and guidance.
Studying the principles of child development and discipline helps
give us ideas, but applying them in the classroom requires practice.
The following information is designed to help you decide the best
approach to use with each child in your group. Think about Ricky
as you go through the steps.
Ricky, age five, decided to destroy the building-block sky scraper
that was the pride of a group of children who had worked hard
to build such a complex structure. With one broad swipe, Ricky
demolished the building and chaos broke out in the classroom.
The first inclination may be to punish Ricky for his behavior,
but stop. Take a closer look at the total picture before you make
a decision. Rather than putting the group's chaos on hold to handle
Ricky's behavior, focus on all children involved in the situation
and their feelings - including Ricky. You can guide this conversation
by saying something like, "You must be really disappointed."
Give the children time to express their frustration, disappointment,
anger, sadness, and other feelings. Doing this also allows Ricky
to hear the feelings which resulted from his behavior, teaching
him that his behavior has an effect on others. After feelings
have been processed, it is time to talk about what happened.
"What happened?" There are at least two sides to
every story, so check it out. Stick to the details of the situation
- what actually happened. If possible, come to some agreement
among those involved. Summarize what has been said to make sure
that you have the story right. If there are differences of opinion,
summarize each child's opinion. People often see things differently.
Recognizing each child's view encourages her or him to maintain
honesty and integrity. Stating that Ricky knocked the building
down is not blaming - it is stating a fact. Look for information
which may explain why Ricky was destructive. For example, comments
may reflect a rejection of Ricky's involvement in building. In
that case, it is time to talk about Ricky's feelings of being
left out or rejected. Be sure to talk about all the feelings.
Once the feelings have been discussed, it is time to talk with
Ricky. Thank the other children for helping you understand what
happened, and help them decide what to do next. "Do you want
to help build another skyscraper - or find something else to do?"
"Why did you do that?" is a question we often ask
children, but they may not be able to tell us. Young children
can begin to express feelings and show facial expressions which
show that feeling. This situation offers an opportunity to teach
Ricky how to get in touch with and express his feelings. You may
have to help him by saying things like, "You looked very
angry when you knocked the building down. Can you tell me what
made you so angry? Let's talk about some things that you could
do instead of knocking the blocks down."
Ricky may not be able to verbalize anything that helps you understand
his behavior. Observe him while he is talking to see if his expressions
show anger, sadness, feelings of guilt, confusion, or attempts
to get attention. The motivation for the behavior is as important
as the behavior itself when you are deciding how to discipline
Ricky. Differences in levels of development will also influence
the kind of discipline chosen for a specific child. There are
several questions to ask that will help determine the reason(s)
for the behavior. It is not a matter of determining whether these
factors influence the behavior, but how they influence behavior.
- Is the behavior a result of the level of PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT?
If children say Ricky always knocks the blocks down, you can observe
more closely to compare his development with other children in
the room. Ricky may have stayed up too late or maybe he is hungry.
Perhaps Ricky needs to be more physically active during that time
of day. Think of other ways that physical development and needs
may influence relationships in the classroom.
-Is the behavior a result of the level of COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT?
Children of different ages and stages use blocks differently.
To a two-year-old, blocks are things to stack and fall. To a three-year-old,
blocks become buildings, tunnels, houses, etc. when stacked. Older
children can build more elaborate structures that may involve
buildings and roads within a town. The impact of a falling structure
is quite different on various age groups.
- Is the behavior a result of the level of SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT?
Children become social beings very gradually. Around the age of
three, they begin to learn to share. They play in the same space,
but do not interact with each other. Older children interact more,
but may not have a fully developed set of social skills to draw
upon. When children are stressed, they are even less social -
much like adults. It appears that Ricky may need some social skills.
He may not know how to ask to play with the group or how to appreciate
their product.
- Is the behavior a result of the level of EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT?
Emotional reasons may be the most difficult to identify. As stated
above, children are still learning what they need to know about
their inside feelings and how to label and express them.
According to Rudolf Dreikurs, a well-known parent educator, children
misbehave for one of four reasons ("Goals of Misbehavior"
listed below). Behaviors for each reason produce a certain "reaction"
from the care provider/adult. To decide why the child is behaving
a certain way, identify your feelings first. Then, match it with
one of the goals. For example, if you feel angry, the child may
be trying to gain power.
| Goal: | To get attention; "I need constant attention to feel worthwhile." |
| Adult/Provider's Feelings: | Feels annoyed |
| What to do: |
|
| Goal: | To gain or pursue power: "I am important if I can make you do what I want." |
| Adult/Provider's Feelings: | Feels angry; fights or gives in |
| What to do: |
|
| Goal: | To get revenge: "Since I am so unlikable, I will hurt others just as I have been hurt." |
| Adult/Provider's Feelings: | Feels hurt; wants to get back at child |
| What to do: |
|
| Goal: | To demonstrate inadequacy. "I am worthless and hopeless. Just leave me alone." |
| Adult/Provider's Feelings: | Feels discouraged; wants to give up on child |
| What to do: |
|
In the case mentioned above, Ricky's teachers/caregivers felt
his "goal" for misbehavior fell into the third category
- to get revenge.
Ricky has had much difficulty getting others to like him, both
children and adults. Not many children would consider Ricky a
good friend. His two-year history in the child care program included
repeated experiences of the type described in the block incident.
The staff agreed to focus on Ricky's strengths, and to help other
children appreciate his strengths. Ricky was an excellent artist.
Since Ricky liked to play with the children who often built with
blocks, the staff suggested that Ricky make drawings that could
accompany the block structures, such as maps, signs, or flags.
Dr. Dreikurs talks about children's need to belong, to have a
place. In the perfect world, children would gain a sense of belonging
through cooperative, positive behavior. For many children, their
life experiences have taught them the opposite - their way of
belonging and being noticed is through destructive and uncooperative
behavior.
Dealing with misbehavior is stressful. There is no question about
it. When you approach behavior management or discipline as another
form of teaching - and not just stopping undesirable behavior
- you will see how much it contributes to the development of healthy,
happy children.
Dreikurs, R., & Soltz, V. (1964, reissued, 1987). *Children:
The challenge.* New York: Hawthorn/Dutton.
Glen, H. S., & Nelson, J. (1989). *Raising self-reliant children
in a self-indulgent world.* Rocklin, CA: Prima Publishing &
Communication.
Nelson, J. (1987). *Positive discipline* New York: Ballantine.