PREVENTING CONFLICT: INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL ISSUES

National Network for Child Care's Connections Newsletter

Jacqueline L. Scott, M.A., M.Ed.
Research Assistant
Missouri 4-H
University of Missouri University Extension

Copyright/Access Information


A certain amount of conflict in life is inevitable. As professionals, we should try to reduce the amount of conflict in the school-age child care setting. One way to do this is to look at the ways we can prevent conflict. Conflict occurs in two broad domains: (1) those conflicts that occur due to external issues and (2) conflicts that occur due to internal issues.

External issues are those factors that are outside the child's internal being. These are things that the child has no control over. External issues include, but are not limited to, the structure of the program, the objectives of a given activity, the arrangement of the room, and the resources at hand. Each of these factors has the power to either set a child up for conflict or to reduce the likelihood of conflict. For example, the structure of a program includes the daily schedule of events, the degree of flexibility within the schedule, and the number of choices children have. Conflict may arise from a structure issue if the daily schedule does not allow a hungry child to have a snack before recreational activities. Conflict may also occur when a tired child does not have time to rest, or if a child with a busy evening schedule does not have time to do homework. Another structural issue to consider is the amount of choice children have in activities - not having enough choices may also lead to conflict. It is in the best interest of all - children and adults - to consider the needs of individuals as you structure your program.

A second example of an external issue includes the objective or goal of an activity. Objectives can be viewed in three categories: competitive, individualistic, and cooperative. Competitive objectives stress winning while the other team or individual loses. This is commonly seen in athletics. The second category, individualistic, is seen when individuals strive to improve their own performance. Each person competes against his or her previous best performance, and success is achieved when there is improvement. The last category, cooperative, encourages cooperation, teamwork, and interdependence among participants. An example could be several children paddling a large canoe around markers in a lake. The goal is that everyone paddles and encourages each other (Rynders & Schleien, 1991). The difference between this and competition is that in a competitive activity, the children may be timed (a race) or rated on their ability to maneuver the canoe (a performance issue). In a cooperative activity, all the children participate and their contribution is needed in order to succeed.

Although there can be some overlap between objectives, it is critical to note that cooperative activities include all the children. Value is placed on each participant. Competitive activities encourage selection of "the best" and "the winner" versus "the loser." Such a competitive atmosphere can set children up for conflict. As with the structure of a program, children have little, or no control over activity objectives. Changing the goals of an activity to include and value each person can lessen the amount of conflict.

The second domain where conflict occurs has to do with internal issues. Internal issues are factors within the child: the child's developmental stage, the accompanying developmental needs, and the child's prosocial skills. Unlike external issues, a child does have some degree of control when dealing with some internal issues. Support and guidance from knowledgeable and caring adults is the key for a child to successfully navigate through these internal issues.

To help children work through these developmental tasks, it is important to understand what behavior is normal and to-be-expected for a particular developmental stage. This understanding serves as a guide in interpreting behavior. For instance, it is quite normal for early elementary children to have difficulty with losing, or to have an interest in working on a project but little interest in finishing it, and to have many "best friends." By the latter part of elementary school, we would expect children to handle losing a little better and to finish their projects. However, just as all children mature and complete developmental tasks, they do so at their own pace. As adults, we can understand that conflict arising from a developmental task, such as learning how to deal with losing or failure, is a normal occurrence. The successful resolution of these conflicts not only promotes growth, but will also help children to resolve similar conflicts later in life. Many resources are available to help adults understand the developmental levels in childhood (see resource at the end of this article).

Hand-in-hand with developmental levels are developmental needs. The desire to fulfill these needs is often the underlying issue in conflict. Helping children to understand their feelings, needs, and the perspectives of other children is a way to not only resolve the immediate conflict, but to also avoid conflict in the future. The following three broad categories of developmental needs can provide some insight into children's behavior.

THE NEED FOR POWER OR CONTROL

This may include power over choice of activities, power over resources, or the power to make decisions. The opposite of this is a child who feels "bossed around." This need may take on a positive form as children decide between constructive activities, or it can manifest itself in a negative way as children manipulate each other through fear and intimidation.

THE NEED FOR FRIENDSHIP AND A SENSE OF BELONGING

This addresses a child's need to be connected with other people in a meaningful and fulfilling manner. Having another child to play with and forming relationships with adults tells a child that s/he is important. The opposite of this is rejection and isolation from the peer group. Strong prosocial skills are an asset in developing satisfying relationships.

THE NEED FOR ACHIEVEMENT

Children need to know they can do good work or progress in an activity. Having a sense of achievement enhances self esteem, self-efficacy, and self-confidence. The opposite of this is failure and learned helplessness.

Although children's personalities will color their behavior, the underlying issues are frequently the same as they progress through various developmental stages and seek to fulfill different developmental needs.

The last internal issue is a child's prosocial skills. These skills help children develop friendships. They also help children work through issues (disappointment, anger, frustration, intimacy, and sharing) that naturally occur in relationships. Alert adults can promote prosocial skill development in children by clarifying conflict issues, affirming children, interpreting feelings, and by encouraging mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict.

Conflict is a "fact of life" but its occurrence can be lessened. When conflict cannot be prevented through the domain of external issues, it can be a teachable moment as adults help children in working through the internal issues. Additional resources on conflict resolution and developmentally appropriate practices and activities are available from the Resource Library at the Missouri Extension Center for School-Age Child Care 4-H Youth Development Offices.

REFERENCES

Rynders, J. E., & Schleien, S. J. (1991). How to integrate successfully: Promoting positive interactions. *Impact*, 4(4), 11-18.

RESOURCES

Center for School-Age Child Care
University Extension
205 Whitten Hall
Columbia, MO 65211
1-314-882-9360