Human Development and Family Studies
Colorado State University Cooperative Extension
Authors
Copyright/Access Information
It's late in the evening,
the sky is dark blue.
The sand man is coming
It's bedtime for you.
The pillows are plumped up.
The night light is on.
Your Teddy bears waiting,
So lay your head down.
I'll tell you a story
of rabbits who leap and,
hugging your Teddy bear,
you'll drift off to sleep.
It's late in the evening,
the sky is dark blue.
Goodtimes at bedtime
mean sweet dreams for you.
-LL
Do you think children go to sleep as easily as the child in the
poem? If you have had experience caring for children at night,
you know that often they do not. All caregivers have trouble getting
children to bed at times. The reason is simple.
Children do not like to go to sleep.
This means when you ask children to go to bed, you are asking
them to do something you want them to do, not what they want to
do.
1. Bedtime means children have to give up the toys, people,
pets, games, or stories they are enjoying at the time.
2. Children know you are not going to sleep when you put them
to bed. Sometimes this makes them feel they are missing out on
something fun or important. Some children feel like caregivers
put them to bed just to get them out of their way.
3. They are not tired at bedtime.
4. They are afraid of the dark.
5. Sometimes children have had scary dreams and connect bedtime
with being frightened.
6. They are lonely and want the companionship the same as it was
during the day.
7. The children may be accustomed to using bedtime to assert their
independence.
Bedtimes can be happy, cuddly times. You can read stories, give
back rubs, and help tuck in dolls and Teddy bears. Bedtimes also
are good times to review the events of the day. Quiet talks before
sleep can be one of the most enjoyable times you and the children
spend together.
Getting children ready for bed means that you, as a caregiver,
will be faced with helping them end one activity and begin another
several times in a few hours. This "stopping and starting"
can be hard unless you know some ways to make bedtime a good time
for everyone. This section will help you learn to do that.
It is important for caregivers to realize that going from playing,
to storytime, to sleeping is hard for everyone involved. This
time of ending one activity and beginning another is called a
transition.
A transition is a period of waiting. Most children experience
several periods of waiting every day. They wait for school to
begin and end, for parents to come home from work, for meals to
be eaten, and baths to be taken. While children wait, they often
grow anxious, or bored. This is when they fight with brothers
and sisters, throw toys across the room, jump on beds, or shout
and scream as they chase each other or run from imaginary monsters.
Caregivers can ease the transitions into bedtime by simply planning
ahead.
Bedtime is important because sleeping is important. People
cannot stay healthy without enough sleep. In fact, sleep is so
necessary that average human beings spend over 23 years of their
lives sleeping!
Children differ a great deal in the amount of sleep they need
as well as when they need it. During the first four years, most
children take naps in the afternoon. They will outgrow this habit
naturally when they need less sleep. Sleeping is like eating to
children - they will eat if they are hungry, and they will sleep
if they are tired. If you, as a caregiver, force either of these
activities on children, you will create a lot of difficulties
for both of you.
While having a certain amount of sleep may be less important than
once thought, having a certain bedtime, complete with rituals
and regularity, is important for growing children and their parents.
Researchers who study sleep behaviors have found that children
who go to bed and get up at different times each day instead of
at set hours often have trouble falling asleep at night. They
believe that children should go to bed at the same time every
night, including weekends, and get up at the same time every morning.
They believe that by consistently sticking to a bedtime ritual,
children will fall asleep easier and bedtime will be a more pleasant
time.
Consistency helps children feel rested and energized and it also
enables parents to plan time for themselves. Parents sometimes
enjoy having their children along when they go out for an evening.
Often, though, children are disturbed by nights away from home
because it changes their sleep routines. Parents, therefore, need
"babysitters" or caregivers so their children can be
put to bed in their own beds, in their own homes, and at their
regular bedtimes. Regular bedtimes encourage children to develop
predictable habits of sleeping at night, and enable parents to
make plans for their own lives away from their children. Caregivers
can help families maintain bedtime routines by sticking to established
schedules while caring for their children.
It is important for caregivers to realize that bedtime rituals and habits change as children grow older and become more independent. For example, while an infant (0 to 18 months) spends around 16 hours a day sleeping, early school-aged children (6 to 9 years) may sleep only about 10 hours a day. Read the rest of this section to see how sleeping habits and bedtime rituals vary among children of all ages.
Babies sleep a lot. It is possible that you will need to deal
with a baby's transitions in and out of sleep while you are caring
for an infant. New babies alternate between being asleep and being
awake without any knowledge of the difference between day and
night. It takes them several months and even years to match the
sleeping habits of the other members of their families.
Older babies usually fall asleep at sometime between 6 p.m. and
8 p.m.. If you are caring for them during the day, they may take
one or more naps and sleep for two or three hours at a time. It
is important to ask the children's parent when, where, and how
long they nap. It also is important to know about any special
nap time routines that may be unique to the children. Do they
want a special toy or piece of clothing to nap with, or do they
like to hear a favorite song or story before sleep?
You can usually tell when babies are tired and ready for bed or
a nap. They give clues to their need for sleep by fussing, turning
their heads to one side, sucking their thumbs or pieces of material,
wriggling, pushing people and things away with their feet, pulling
at their ears, or tugging at their shoes and socks in an effort
to take them off. If you pick up on these signs of sleepiness
and put the babies to bed, they will usually go right to sleep
and wake several hours later happy and content.
All babies are different. The best way to know what to expect,
at nap or bedtime, from the children you care for is to know them
well. If you have not had a chance to familiarize yourself with
a baby, be sure to learn all you can about his or her sleeping
habits and routines from the parents.
How you can help:
1. If babies cry right before nap or bedtime, they may be overly
tired. You can rock them, give them a back-and-forth movement
in a carriage or crib, or rock them in your arms as you walk.
2. Many babies wake up from naps feeling happy and alert. They
may not make any noises at first, preferring to play quietly with
their hands or "talk" softly to themselves. If babies
wake up groggy or grumpy, physical exercise will help. Move their
arms and legs back and forth gently, or encourage them to crawl
across the room to reach an interesting toy.
3. For the first few weeks of life, newborns breathe only through
the nostrils, and the nose cartilage is easily obstructed. Infants
under three months of age are too young to roll over or raise
their heads to get air if needed. Many doctors are now recommending
that infants be put to sleep on their backs to avoid breathing
hazards. If the infant has respiratory, gastrointestinal, or other
problems that make the face-up sleep position questionable, a
pediatrician should be consulted. Babies should be put to sleep
on a firm surface free of heavy bedding and pillows.
4. Answer infant's cries immediately, and change their diapers,
offer them a drink, or reassure them until they fall asleep again.
It is important for infants to learn to trust their caregivers.
By responding to their needs, you can help develop this trust.
5. Read *Good Times with Infants* to learn more about how babies
grow.
Most toddlers rest during part of the day. Naps help keep children
from feeling overly tired and actually help them sleep better
at night. Toddlers usually go to bed about 8 p.m., depending on
the length of their naps. Some call the caregiver back to their
rooms several times to be given drinks, kisses, or a favorite
stuffed animal. Toddlers often go to sleep faster, however, for
a caregiver than for their own mothers and fathers.
Two- and 3-year-olds often are anxious about being alone and going
to sleep. They do not like their caregivers out of sight. Many
will demand that a hall light be left on or a door be left open.
Soft lights and the opportunity to hear household noises reassure
toddlers that their caregivers are nearby.
Two-year-olds develop elaborate and lengthy bedtime routines and
rituals. Changing one item on the bedtime agenda is sometimes
enough to upset the child for the rest of the evening. Three-year-olds
loosen up with regard to routine and sometimes a creative approach
to nap or bedtime is more interesting to them than their pre-sleep
ritual.
Many toddlers are afraid of the dark. Showing that you recognize
their need for comfort, makes them feel secure and reassured.
Allowing them to sleep with their security blankets, a favorite
stuffed animal, or even a shoe will help turn bedtime into a good
time.
How you can help:
1. Find out everything you can about the toddlers' nap and
bedtime rituals so you can follow them as closely as possible.
Ask the parents to leave you a list of instructions, if necessary.
2. Some older toddlers prefer "play naps" to sleeping
naps. These can be quiet, restful times where children play alone
in their own rooms for an hour or two. Sometimes letting them
play on the bed for a few minutes and then returning to their
rooms to tuck them under the covers will help them relax and go
to sleep. Naps usually take place right after lunch and last for
about two hours. Parents may ask that you awaken the child after
a certain time so the night's sleep routine will not be changed.
3. During the third year, children begin to report dreams. Their
dreams may be scary and wake them up. Toddlers have not yet developed
the intellectual ability to tell the difference between dreams
and reality. They also cannot tell you what their dreams were
about. They need to be reassured, talked to, and tucked into bed
again.
4. The transition from being awake to being asleep is a hard one
for toddlers. They may call you back into their rooms several
times for hugs, drinks, or reassurances. It is important for you
to answer these calls up to a limit. After two or three times
tell the children you will come back once more, but after that
you will depend on them to go to sleep. Follow through on what
you say.
5. Sometimes toddlers wake up at night and either discover or
remember that their parents are not at home. Occasionally this
realization will cause a crying session that will last until the
parents arrive home. The main point to remember when settling
children back to sleep is to handle their crying in a warm, but
relatively unemotional and silent manner, so they learn they will
not get special attention or rewards for crying.
6. Read *Good Times with Toddlers* to learn more about children
between the ages of 18 months and 4 years.
Most 4- and 5-year-olds go to sleep at night quite easily.
Older preschoolers may play so hard during the day they even ASK
to go to bed at night. Because preschoolers are known for their
dawdling behavior, some need a "pre-sleep" time and
a "sleep" time. The pre-sleep time can be a time for
preschoolers to tuck in their toy bear families, undress their
dolls, color, "read," sing, or do a puzzle. The sleep
time can be 15 minutes later and be a "turning out the light"
time.
Preschoolers have especially active imaginations. After age 4,
they begin to have dreams and nightmares. Sometimes these bad
dreams wake them up and make them feel afraid. Their dreams often
are about scary animals like wolves and bears or about strangers
who do bad things. It also is common for some preschoolers to
have dreams involving fire, water, or the ability to fly. Preschoolers
even dream they are superheroes! Dreams usually happen during
the first two hours after the children go to sleep, so it is a
good idea for you, as a caregiver, to be especially alert to calls
for help during this time period.
How you can help:
1. If children have bad dreams while you care for them, go to them quickly and reassure them that what happened to them was a dream. Children often cannot tell the difference between real life and dreams so it is important for you to help them learn about dreams. If quiet words and hugs do not calm them, try these:
2. Report any bad dreams, sleeptalking, or sleepwalking to
the parents.
3. Preschoolers usually take "play naps" rather than
regular naps.
4. Read *Good Times with Preschoolers* to learn more about this
age and stage of development.
Infants, toddlers, and preschoolers need help getting ready
for bed. They need caregivers to supervise their baths, help them
dress and undress, and turn down their covers. By the time children
are 6 and 7, they can do most of these things themselves. Most
6- and 7-year-olds go to bed easily, however, 8-year-olds enjoy
staying up late and think of lots of reasons to dawdle over bedtime
routines.
Six-year-olds dream about wild animals that are in their beds,
biting, and chasing them. Girls especially dream about bad men
who hide in their rooms. Six-year-olds also have nice dreams about
their families, friends, and pets. Seven-year-olds dream about
themselves. Sometimes they have long conversations with police
officers, superheroes, or television stars, and talk out loud
while they sleep. Eight-year-olds do not dream as often as younger
children. When they do, they usually dream about fun things like
friends, toys, and vacations.
How you can help:
1. Six- to 9-year-olds need about an hour to settle down for
sleep. Reading calming stories, talking quietly to them while
they relax in bed, or letting them play quietly alone in their
rooms are ways you can help children "wind down" from
the excitement of the day's events.
2. Bedtimes usually are set at later hours for 8-year-olds. They
may stay up until 9 p.m.. Help them get ready for bed before that
hour by starting early and using some of the transition activities
that you have learned.
3. You may hear children talking or singing softly to themselves
after they have gone to bed. This is their way of sorting out
the day's events and helping themselves to feel sleepy.
4. Read *Good Times with Early School-Age Children* to learn more
about 6-, 7- , and 8-year-olds.
There are many books and magazine articles written about sleeping,
dreaming, and bedtime activities. Check your local library to
find information that applies to the age and stage of the children
for which you care.
Order these through your local Cooperative Extension office.
Oregon State University - *Stories and Make-Believe Activities*
by Roberta Frazier Anderson and Marcelle Straatman.
Washington State University - *Young Children and Stories* by
Kenneth Barber, Ph.D.